


all i can give you

by ciberbot



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Comfort, Fluff, Hurt, Hurt/Comfort, Langst, M/M, i actually don't know the difference between all the different tags i can put on this story, idk this is my first story, klangst, no tengo una beta
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-18
Updated: 2018-02-18
Packaged: 2019-03-20 15:15:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,224
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13720392
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ciberbot/pseuds/ciberbot
Summary: In retrospect, it was meant to be a light question. But the mood inside the room was just right, where it could have swung either way without resistance. So it wasn't really a surprise when it took the route that it did.Lance just didn't expect Keith's words to hit him so hardOr: Lance asks just one question. Keith opens up absolutely to him.





	all i can give you

**Author's Note:**

> I kind of wrote this in a rush in the morning before going back to sleep, so I'm sorry it's not as reflective of my best work as it could have been !! I just wanted to post at least something to break the ice.

They don't know how they got to this. Lance had always considered Keith to be the bane of his existence, the sole reason why his Voltron experience wasn't as great as it could have been.

But here they are. They've been sitting in Keith's room, passing back and forth between them a bottle of space liquor and talking about the stupidest things. Video games. Those damn nosy mice. The idiocies they sometimes faced in the Garrison.

Keith may not remember Lance, but he certainly remembers the tendency of their math teacher to every so often bend over his desk and take a long, calculated sip from his water bottle in the middle of his lectures, staring all the students down as he did so, almost daring them to talk about his stickered water bottle behind his back. He remembers the way Sam would always make these over the top impressions of teachers as soon as their backs were turned, each impression escalating in ridiculousness until one day he got caught and disappeared for a few days, coming back with a haunted look in his eyes and flinching every time somebody mentioned the word "fish." He remembers the callousness of the commander at times, the way he'd never hesitate at an opportunity to take a dig at the Kerberos mission, even though they had heard many times of the incompetency of the commander himself, of how he was only running this school because he couldn't perform that well in the field.

"But tell me Keith," Lance says, swirling the liquid inside the bottle. "Would you trade your Garrison experience for the experience of being in Voltron? Be honest." In retrospect, it was meant to be a light question. But the mood inside the room was just right, where it could have swung either way without resistance. So it wasn't really a surprise when it took the route that it did.

Lance just didn't expect Keith's words to hit him so hard.

"Being a paladin, it's just so...lonely. I mean, I've always been alone. I intentionally kept to myself in the Garrison, only focusing on my studies and training and just, all those things. But still...even in the Garrison, it seemed, well...it seemed more like there was life. We meet so many different alien lifeforms, but how long do we stay there? How many deep connections have we made to them? At most, we only spend a few days talking and socializing and plotting before we're whisked away. Back to this castle. This huge, huge castle, where only five paladins and two Alteans live. Don't you sometimes feel like more people should live in here? Don't you? It feels like there should be household staff just to maintain the castle alone. It feels like there should be teams of people manning the controls, the different sections of the castle responsible for defenses and weapons. But...there's not. When I go to sleep at night, there are so many rooms between me and the other paladins. Obviously, that sometimes works out in our favor, but if I can't sleep at night and need somebody to talk to, I have to walk so far. It takes so far to get to the kitchen, so far to get to a swimming pool. It doesn't feel like a home. It feels like, I don't know, some sort of hotel with absolutely nobody else in it but a few strangers I've been thrown together with by chance.”

“Shut up.” Lance's voice is low, tight. Keith doesn't stop, instead just turns to looks up at him, his eyes pleading.

“I just - I just want more. Because I know i'm not enough. I'm so flawed. In the empty space in between missions, there is too much time to think, too much time to myself. It gets to me. Especially for this huge mantle that Zarkon is. Because it's not just this team of people, an entire fucking universe is on my shoulders. Because Voltron can't form without all of its paladins, right? And somehow, out of the trillions of people in the universe, trillions of people who could pilot better than i do, make better decisions, people who would be better at this Voltron thing than I am, than i could ever be. The lion just hasn't met those people yet. So I train and I train and I do whatever I can to live up to these standards but, no matter what, I can't escape the feeling that everything I do, it's not enough. Because who I am as I am is not enough.”

“Keith.” Lance's voice is weary. “Didn't I tell you to shut up.” Lance looks up. For the first time, Keith notices just how tired Lance looks. Lance has always kept up a meticulous skin care regime, but, despite his best efforts, there are shadows underneath his eyes Keith can't remember if he's ever seen before, a certain weighing down of the corners of his eyes, his mouth.

“I think,” Lance begins. One of his hands rises up to rub at his temple. “You and I, we need some perspective.” He gets up. Keith blinks at him.

“What do you mean?” he says, utterly confused. Lance nods at the door.

“Let's get into Blue,” he says, and turns around, not even waiting for a response.

He knows that Keith will follow him.

Admittedly, in the past Lance hasn't always been the best judge of Keith and his character, hasn't truly understood the plane at which Keith keeps himself, operates within.

But, as they've spent more time together as paladins, somehow along the line Lance has gained the uncanny ability to trace Keith's facade with his finger and tease out who he is at his seams, coax him to come out from behind the mask for Lance to quietly tear apart with his gaze, see exactly where he needs to do what he needs to do. Of course, that works against their relationship too -- Lance also has the ability to be the single most annoying person Keith has met in his life.

But at moments like this, as Lance's svelte frame is limned by the light in the hall, Keith…Keith is...

Keith is somehow grateful that it's Lance who can pry him up like no other person can.

***

Lance doesn't have a destination in mind.

They just unevenly shutter from galaxy to galaxy, trying to find a place to land. Lance wants something viable, somewhere Keith and he can sit out in the open, no need for their oxygen masks to phase over their faces, somewhere where they can talk face to face and also enjoy a little fresh air, some good scenery.

He supposes he could thumb through the saved log of places they've been before. That mermaid world certainly would welcome them with open arms and he knows that it's beautiful enough for his tastes.

But...Lance is keenly aware of Keith standing next to him, breathing next to him, existing next to him. Keith is watching the planets flit through the windows. When Lance sneaks a peek at him, he wears an indecipherable look on his face, yet, underneath, Lance can still sense a touch of the vulnerability Keith showed earlier still there, albeit with Keith being slightly more composed, breathing more evenly now that they're away from the aluminum tin that seemed to be their room. He can sense a bit of the true Keith coming through, the Keith that's not the arrogant asshole he typically interacts with.

This is different. This is something not constructed.

So although the mermaid world sounds tempting enough, Lance knows: he definitely doesn't want to talk to other people right now, calcify Keith's mask.

Because he's not sure if Keith has ever been as open to him before.

He definitely doesn't want to ruin it.

In total, it only takes a few minutes to find a planet that fits the bill. They're a few galaxies away from the castle in the end but no matter. They can always find their way back. Large slabs of rock jutting up in the sky, steel gray, clear blue waters streaming from the tops into a mostly tranquil sea. Lance doesn't see any lifeforms for miles.

It's perfect.

Piloting Blue through the cliffs is difficult -- the cliffs are spaced fairly close to each other and unevenly so, where large ranges of rock, overhangs of rock and mesas all conspire to keep the lion from landing safely on their planet. But Lance manages to find a small area at the bottom of a waterfall and maneuvers Blue onto there.

The ground is wet with mist from the nearby waterfall as Keith and Lance step out from the lion. Lance supposes there's no graceful way to start so he just:

“Back home,” Lance says, “I had - have, a large family. My house has never been quiet. I fell asleep to the sound of cartoons on the TV every single night. My parents did their best, but I have never been the center of attention, I have never received more than a fraction of their attention and love and time because, well, they couldn’t spare it.” Lance is kind of startled that the words have fallen out from his mouth. He keeps going with it anyways.

“Here's the other, very major thing about it all. Within all this loneliness, there's these alternate times of extreme life threatening situations and, well, boredom. In between the brief spats of times where we have to fight Zarkon and don't know if we're going to fucking come back alive, there's...nothing. It's not like Earth. I can't bring all of my hobbies here. I can't even call home to alleviate the boredom. I miss my family so much.” Something strikes Lance, solidifies his resolve. “You know, I read something the other day. Given all the time we spend traveling around out here, there's the possibility that time has passed a lot at home. Perhaps too much. Because if we leave Earth at 15 and travel at the speed of light and spend five years in space, when we get back to Earth we’d be 20 years old, but all our friends who were 15 when we left would be 65. I don't know how long we've been out here. Months? Years? What if we come back home and everybody we love, everybody we've ever known is dead? I think about that a lot. I would have just randomly, permanently disappeared one day. They would have been so worried, they would have thought I was dead, they wouldn't have known about all the things I'm doing, the life I'm leading --” Lance breaks off. Keith notices how the condensation from the nearby waterfall has beaded up, trickles slowly, slowly down his cheek. He steps forward.

“Lance…”

“This Voltron business...it weighs on me too. It doesn't fuel me the way it does in you -- because of this pressure, because of this, you train for hours on end, you never give yourself time off, you do whatever it takes to live up to what is expected of you. I can't do that. I can't fathom how I have a place considered valuable on this team.

“But I mean, I talked to you. You told me not to worry about these things. You told me that I am valuable, that I shouldn't let my demons get the best of me. So, well, I guess that's what I'm trying to tell you, although in my own way. Because, well, I'm Lance and you're Keith. There wouldn't be any other way.

“But the thing is, the difference between me going to you and you coming to me is that I don't have the answers and I won't pretend like i have them. You bring up some very good points and I don't really have answers or have really thought about them.

“But I do know one thing, something you don’t. Keith..look at the sky.” Keith doesn't really have any other option than to comply. He looks up. The sky is so, so blue.

“Kinda looks like Earth,” he says softly to himself. Lance smiles.

“Keith, just...isn't it so beautiful. Look all around you too. These cliffs, this scenery, it's gorgeous. I think the difference between you and me is that I'm not all up in my head like you are and for that, it's easier to notice these kinds of things. This scenery is beautiful, but you, you would look at it, think that to yourself, then move on with your life. I, as Lance, am going to tell you the only thing i know for sure. Reality is beautiful regardless. Regardless of the pressures put on us, regardless of whether our families are there when we get back, regardless of, well, anything. This life, that life, all life is worth living because the sky is blue, this world is beautiful, and the thing is we'll wake up tomorrow to another day of the sky being blue, the world being beautiful. I mean. Metaphorically.

“So yeah. I don't know if that helped at all. That's just...that's just all I can really give you.”

Lance looks at Keith. Keith is looking at Lance.

On his face, there is a small smile.


End file.
